The Rap Sheet - from the Mad Conservative
Great American Wrestling's Crossing the Line
2/27/2K5, Maroa, IL

I'm just one of those dumb critics...

Views expresses are solely my own and do not reflect the views of GAW or anyone else.

With all the shots I've taken lately it's time I do a bit of a shift, it's no longer "the friendly neighborhood crimefigher" anymore, it's a "mad conservative crimefighter".  I'll still be a crimefighter no matter what, cause conservatives believe in law and order.  As for mad, some people think I'm angry, some people think I'm nuts, mad just about covers all bases.

GAW had to move the show to a different building at practically the last minute, when the owners of the old Eagles store called and said they couldn't use their place cause they didn't wanna turn on the heat and water.  Real jerks they are, I hope they can't find a buyer for that place so they'll keep losing money on it.  Anyway, they got a different facility in a nearby town and it actually was a better place to hold a show cause the ceiling is higher.  Attendance was about 100 or so, despite the last minute venue switch, but the place actually looked more filled up with the different and smaller locale.

Live from the old grade school in Maroa, IL.  Your ring announcer is Slick Rick Castle, commentator is GAW owner Ben Taylor.

The Clarks hit the ring and say that Joey Grunge hasn't arrived at the building yet.  Uh what?  They need to quit using the "missed his flight" excuse, I don't know of anyone around here that flies into town, they all drive.  Maybe he took a wrong turn in Peoria?  The Hot Commodity comes out and Gavin runs his mouth about Joey being the inferior Grunge.  He goes and uses the inbred freaks clique, how original.  They say they are gonna kick the Clarks butts tonight.  Oh here comes Grunge with a suitcase from the front doors.  Joey yells for them to come back out and talk that trash.  He makes fun of his weight and where he got his clothes, they must work for "Hot Topic" and Gavin's middle name is "Fat Hardy".  Joey promises to staple dollars to Gavin's face, and climb above the exit sign to drive his butt through a table.  Gavin claims Grunge ain't his level, so Joey lists his prior titles and which feds he's been in.  Yep, Gavin is a rookie all right.

Kandi Deluxe (0-2) 155lbs. Atlanta, GA vs. Prime Time Playa (debut) 195lbs. Reno, NV - Kandi is REALLY swinging his rear.  PTP, welts on his chest and all, takes an hour to enter the ring again.  I happen to have had a magazine that had his photo printed in it that I was showing to others, it was an alumni publication from the college he currently attends.  KC was supposed to wrestle PTP here but there's been a last minute change.  There's a lot of stalling to start, Kandi gets the shoulderblock, leap frog, hip tosses, and they take to mat wrestling.  Kandi with a drop kick and PTP takes leave.  Kandi gives chase and PTP stomps him on the way back in.  The crowd taunts PTP with Brady chants and being so white.  Kandi is put on the rope, PTP runs and sits on him!  PTP rib breaker, second rope elbow, he goes to the rear chicklock with knee.  PTP with the whip, Kandi crossbody gets two.  PTP with a poke, side elbow, slam, legdrop gets two.  He sets up the fameasser...and MISSED.  Kandi KICK WHAM STUNNER ends it!  Okay opener.

WINNER:  Kandi Deluxe pin -> (1-2) 5:45 mins. *½

Jokaz (0-0-0-1) 165lbs. Dark Carnival vs. Chip Conway (2-2) 140lbs. Anytown, USA - Haven't seen Jokaz in a while, a bit of bush beating on my part got this match added.  They slug away to start, Chip does an up-close splash in the corner and hits a bulldog, legdrop gets two.  Chip puts on a crossarm breaker, Jokaz rolls him up for two.  Chip with a couple of suplexes.  Crowd is for some reason not real noisy except for some Chip fans.  Jokaz with the whip and hits an axe to the face.  Jokaz hits the Juvy Driver for two.  He goes for a 619 but missed, Chip with the clothesline, slam, second rope legdrop.  Jokaz regains the upper hand and does a cartwheel into a monkey flip for two.  Jokaz applies an ankle lock, Chip punches his way out, hits a suplex.  Chip with a weak clothesline, Jokaz with a belly to belly suplex, slam, Jokaz off the second rope with a punch to the chest gets two.  Chip charges, Jokaz catches him in a neckbreaker and wins it.  Crowd was being real apathetic to the match for some reason.

WINNER:  Jokaz pin -> (1-0-0-1) 7:50 mins. *½

JC Michaels comes out to say stuff, Jaxson Pride trades verbal jobs with out.  JC says there's a lot of critics out there that says he's not championship material, can't last more than 10 minutes in the ring, there's others who think Pride is the next Hulk Hogan.  Okay, I should mention at this time that a week before the show I sent a letter to him and Pride about what was wrong with GAW stirring up a firestorm for a few hours.  Obviously they got some inspiration, and now I'm covering my face thinking my name will get invoked.  I hastely whip up a "One of those dumb critics" sign.  JC says he's the next Hogan.  Pride says he's better than Hogan.  JC says he's the next Randy Savage.  Okay, Savage held a lot of world titles so I don't see the point there.  JC says he may be the biggest jerk in the ring but he loves this sport.  It kills him he can't wrestle tonight, he wrestled for another fed, he trained and hurt himself.  Pride says he cracked his butt twice.  JC says he cracked his tailbone, the injury has aggravated himself.  He then says Torq Thompson has no-showed tonight, apparently not having the guts to face an injured JC Michaels.  I should say at this point here also, Torq also no-showed Tuscola, his status is unknown at this point, though I wouldn't be surprised if he's gone.  JC says he's challenging the winner of the title match tonight for the next show, then storms off.  Lucky Dane comes out and says a few words about the title match.

Sgt. Tank (1-2) 240lbs. Florida w/ Nite Angel vs. Tru Talent Johnathan Scott (2-1) 217lbs. St. Louis, MO - Ah, it's heel vs. heel.  Tank gets the kneedrop for two, Scott gets the back body drop for two.  Suplex gets two, DDT gets two, and Scott chokes in frustration.  Tank answers with a LOW BLOW, then chokes him on the ropes.  Nite Angel joins in the choking, Tank sets him up with the splash and bulldog in the corner.  Tank distracts the ref and Angel yanks the legs out from Scott.  Crowd yells at her.  Tank goes up, misses the frog splash, Scott slugs away, whips him and hits the knee for two.  Tank though hits a tailbone buster (basically picks him up as if he was going for the rock bottom but drops him on the seat of his pants) for the pin.  Well, Johnny Scott sure showed his talent for losing.  Dang that's the third match in a row with the same rating.  I can't break the tie though.

WINNER:  Sgt. Tank pin -> (2-2) 6 min. *½

GAW Tag Team Championship
(c)Irish Revolution (7-0) - Mickey & Shamus McNelson 476 lbs. Belfast, Ireland w/ Pat McGowen vs. The Animals (3-1) - George Jr. & George 3rd combined weight unknown, "The Playground" - I have been wanting to see the GAW champs vs. the NMW champs but it's not going to happen.  Someone claims there's a rule that a wrestler can't hold belts from two different feds here, which I have a hard time believing.  The combined weight report for the McNelsons is incorrect btw.  Mickey has a shirt that reads "you pinch I punch".  McGowen wants to chew me out for something, I refuse to hear it.  One Animal runs up to pinch then backs away before Mick can land a punch.  Slick Rick thinks it would be bad for the fed to have the Animals as champs.  Junior offers to shake hands but bites Mickey's hand instead, they chase Pat McGowen around the ring, after some more BS'ing, Junior slams Mickey off the top rope and wipes his boots in his face.  Tag 3rd, double back body drop on Mick.  Junior drops the knees, teases Shamus and gets two on a headlock.  He sits on Mick in the ropes, then starts working the arm.  Third with a full nelson, Junior in with a double thrust to the throat.  Third in, Micky finally gets a clothesline to get Shamus in.  The Irish stomp away and land some headbutts.  Shamus rams him with a knee, Mickey with a kneedrop off the second rope.  Illegal switch, ref misses the Animal tag, Shamus with the sit on the ropes and a BIG SPLASH gets two.  Third rolls over Shamus, hits a double clothesline, tags Junior.  Junior up on the second rope, clothesline on both men, pins Mickey and thats it!  We'll see what kind of run the Animals will have with the belts, I know what team I'd like to throw against them but it won't happen.  They dump the heels out and have kids come in to dance.

WINNERS and NEW CHAMPS:  The Animals pin -> (3-1) 12:20 mins. **

Slam Me or Slavery
Mississippi Madman (3-2) 375lbs. Olive Branch, MS vs. Truk Thompson (1-2) 295lbs. Mechanicsburg, IL - Okay, this was set up a couple shows ago.  Madman is tired of fighting Truk so as a way to end this feud, Truk has to either bodyslam him within ten minutes or else he's his slave for a month.  Madman is steaming over the previous night's end result so Truk better watch out.  There's the slugfest to start, Truk slugs him 10 times in the corner, but Madman throws him into the post.  Madman with a FLATLINER(?!) and scissors the arm, twisting and pulling.  Truk tries to slam him but Madman works the arm, hits a superkick!  Madman misses the elbow, Truk slugs away, but he misses the elbow.  Madman clotheslines him and slaps on a nerve hold.  Jawbreaker by Truk, LOW BLOW Madman.  I'm keeping track of time here, shouting the minutes remaining.  Armbar on the rope, suplex by Madman.  Truk shows some life hitting clotheslines, second rope clothesline takes him down.  Another slam attempt is blocked, Madman goes back to wrenching the arm and hits a clothesline.  We're at 30 seconds left!  Madman charges and runs into a POWERSLAM to end it!  I figured that would had been the only chance he had.  Rare display of Madman working a bodypart most of the match, as he's geared to use size and power moves but it shows he's a complete wrestler.

WINNER:  Truk Thompson KO -> (2-2) 9:35 mins. ***

Apriq Laveq (2-3) 230lbs. France vs. Joe Cain (2-3) 120lbs. Decatur, IL - Well Apriq has given up the vampire hunt and wants to mess up "pretty faces" for the heck of it.  Some fan has a sign with definations of what a prick is, but he grabs it and rips it up.  See for those who think I'm stupid for using 17x11 sheets of paper for signs, even if a wrestler takes it I can pull out another sheet and do up a new one but you'd have to buy more posterboard the other way.  It's a heavyweight vs. a bantumweight, and I think Apriq chose to fight Joe cause he can't beat another heavyweight.  Another sign says he can't last three minutes.  Apriq gets the armbar, hammerlock, but Cain drop kicks him outta the ring.  Joe gives chase but gets stomped back in.  Apriq rakes him and DDTs for two.  Apriq with a neckbreaker, Joe with a rollup gets two.  Apriq with a backbreaker stretch, while jerking his face around.  Joe with a flying headscissors, oh he's going up!  SHOOTING STAR PRESS MISSES!!!  Apriq hits a clothesline, POWERBOMB gets TWO?!  Joe tries a sunset flip but he sits on him for two.  Apriq tosses him, fight on the floor, Joe clotheslines him, hops back in the ring and tries a suicide dive...but can't clear the top rope.  Apriq nails him, toss back in, Joe gets a wheelbarrow rollup up for two.  Victory roll gets two, Joe on the top rope, tries something but doesn't get all of his dive on him, Apriq then proceeds to do a double arm flipover move...he calls Last Rites.  It ends it.  Some moves were botched but this ended up okay.

WINNER:  Apriq Laveq pin -> (3-3) 9:25 mins. **½

NMW Tag Champ Hardcore KC (3-1-1) 170lbs. Kansas City, MO vs. Jason Ray (debut) 6'3" 242lbs. Hokkaido, Japan - The announced weight of 120 is incorrect.  Apparently Jason Ray has been wrestling for ten years and put in many appearances in Japan, hence the moniker.  But he spent a good deal of time with Ultra Championship Wrestling out of South Dakota, Utah and NWA Rocky Mountains.  Says he's a cousin of Johnny & Joey Grunge.  A fan says KC will be the next GAW Heavyweight Champ, that'd be nice but I don't think it's in the cards.  Oh Ray has the mike, he calls Maroa...Moron, IL where the girls were supposed to be beautiful.  He calls his cousin Joey a traitor, Johnny is stuck in Chicago, he scoffs at Jaxson Pride being better than Hulk Hogan and compares it to a gay pride parade in San Franciso. Pride interrupts and makes fun of Ray's cheetah ring gear.  Lockup, Ray slugs away but KC gets a springboard elbow, Ray bails but KC hits an top rope axe handle to the floor.  Ray jumps back in, KC misses the sunset flip but hits a superkick to cover up.  Ray tries to leave, KC chases him down at the curtain but Ray overpowers him.  Neck snap on the ropes, high knee, Irish whip and chop, he makes a wish and HEADBUTTS him between the thighs for two. Ray starts peeling tape from his wrist and...chokes him!  KC gets a crossbody for two, drop kick, whip to the corner and KC hits the stinger splash!  Ray with a poke and chops away, snap suplex gets two.  Another sunset flip attempt is blocked, Ray pulls him up and hits a Baldo Bomb for two.  KC with the flying headscissors, and finishes with the Hard Way neckbreaker for the pin.  Yay.  Ray is mad and ties him up with a rope from SOMEWHERE, wrestlers watching this from the sidelines break it up. 

WINNER:  Hardcore KC pin -> (4-1-1) 8 mins. **½

GAW Heavyweight Championship
(c)Lucky Dane (6-0) 215lbs. Dublin, OH w/ Lizzy O'Shea vs. Jaxson Pride (5-1) 215lbs. Freedom, PA - Oh boy, we have the two guys most against Dane & Pride those being JC & Taylor.  Dane gets a sunset flip for two.  They chain wrestle, Pride with a drop toe hold, clothesline gets two.  Whip to the corner, Pride holds his arm out to hip toss but he stays in the corner so he chops him instead.  Dane pulls his shirt up and grabs the knobs.  They switch around the waist, Dane hits a DDT for two.  Slam, legdrop Dane, double legdrop.  They start trading chops, Pride gets a leglock, drop kick gets one.  Pride whips him to the corner but runs into a boot, but catches him in a forward russian leg sweep.  Oh boy, JC & Taylor leave the booth and walk up to the ring.  Lizzy can't believe it.  Dane hits a side elbow for two, armbar DDT.  Pride with Shattered Pride, now Taylor is up on the apron, JC jumps in the ring and nails him with the belt, tosses it in Dane's lap.  Referee Eric/Derrick/whatever-name-he's-going-by-in-this-fed Ruffington who's brains are still scrambled from last night's chairshot thinks Dane did it and calls a DQ.  Whatever, so unnecessary.  Technically the correct call even if he DID see the beltshot.  JC is STILL ducking Pride.

WINNER:  Jaxson Pride DQ -> (6-1) 8:30 mins. **

Dane chews out JC Michaels and his lame excuses of a broken tailbone.  Dane says they are gonna be fighting under lumberjack rules for the title defense and states that the loser must retire from wrestling.  Oh great, another loser leaves town match, no one honors them.  Pride invites Taylor to step in the ring and speak on the mike, he slowly comes in the ring as people chant take the trash out.  Before he says anything Dane smashes the Lucky Charms cerael into his head and Pride chairshots him.  They drop double elbows on him, and here comes a trash barrel!  Joe Cain and the Animals come down, Irish Revolution who were sitting in the stands get into a fight with them.  Taylor gets stuffed into the trash can, someone counts a fall on him.  The referees have to drag out the dead weight.

Six-Man Tables Match
Hot Commodity - "Big Spender" Billy Reno, Richard Biggs, & "Extreme Enforcer" Gavin Alexander 712lbs combined, Upper East Coast vs. Jessie & Petey Clark 375lbs combined, Clark Family Farm, & Joey Grunge 260lbs South Philly, PA - They chant shorty smurf for Reno.  They go to setting up tables around the ring, and they are some ratty looking tables.  Little chance of them holding up to a wrestler being thrown through it though.  The legs just drop off when carrying them around, one is missing some legs.  Oh they are setting up a double decker in front of me, I wisely decide to get up and move to the bleachers.  The six men just go through the motions as if it's a regular tag, despite being reminded repeatedly it's tornado hardcore rules.  Jessie & Gavin start, headlock, shoulderblock and Gavin wants outta there.  Biggs and Petey in, Biggs with a shove.  Reno in, Joey in, Joey actually makes the refs tag out.  Heh.  Reno with a poke, Joey with a side suplex, tag Petey.  Petey with a shot to the arm, slam, elbow.  Reno rakes him, Joey walks over to the commentary table and says he's wants to just to brawl.  They all break out the weapons and brawl in the ring.  Joey panshots Reno, slam on the floor.  Someone gets stomped in the groin, kendo shot on someone by Joey, Joey has a chair and nails someone.  Joey has the tie and chokes Reno with it.  Joey takes him to the commentator table, the Clarks legdrops on the chair, Joey panshots Reno, Lucky Dane runs Slick Rick off.  Joey dares Gavin to come get him, Biggs with big splash on Petey.  Panshot on Gavin, Joey has a chair, Petey has a chair on his back, another splash by Biggs!  Panshot on Biggs by someone, Joey goes out asking for money with staple gun in hand, he staples two bucks on his cheeks!  Yuck!  Biggs splashes Petey again.  Ms. Black has come out in the entryway, worst place for her to be right now.  Gavin with another panshot on Petey.  Joey sets Reno up, has the Animals position the stack, POWERBOMB through two tables to the concrete!  That's it for him.

Billy Reno you ARE the weakest link, goodbye at 10:20 mins.

Dunno when he got it but Gavin is bleeding above both eyes and not the forehead.  ECW chant rings out, the Animals bug Ms. Black, panshots by the Clarks on the two remaining guys.  Joey walks over to Ms. Black and tries to pull her to the ring, Gavin nails him however.  There's a broken table on the other side of the ring, who went through it?  Joey has disappeared.  Joey comes back out from somewhere, he's measuring something.  The Clarks continue to work the remaining Hot Commodity, chairshot on Gavin, Joey sets up a table by the entrance.  Gavin gets put on a table, thing barely holds him, Joey climbs a ladder on top of the exit.  Jessie with a crossarm breaker on Biggs, Joey's up there, Pride starts a chant to finish him, Biggs is up and tries vainly to help, the Animals are asked to move the lights, baseball bat shot on someone.  Gavin still hasn't moved, Joey is trying to figure out how he's gonna dive, the Clarks just stand around waiting for him to jump, Biggs is just watching also, they finally lower the lights, the Clarks panshot Biggs, weak punches on Gavin to keep him down, sheesh talk about telegraphing...unless he's out cold, after about three minutes in all, Joey FINALLY jumps and STOMPS him through a table from ten feet up!

Gavin Alexander you ARE the weakest link, goodbye at 19 mins.

Well it's down to three on one now.  Biggs is in dire straights, but suddenly comes to life.  Grunge gets slugged by Biggs, pulls Jesse out, Petey goes outside, Biggs slams Jessie through a table. 

Jessie Clark you ARE the weakest link, goodbye at 21 mins.

Biggs hits Joey with a panshot, Slick Rick tries to hit on Ms. Black.  Joey somehow got cut and cut bad.  Petey gets a chair and hits him weakly.  They're moving slow out there.  Another table gets set up, Biggs somehow hip tosses Grunge through a table.  Jason Ray who was sitting on that side watching the match gets up and starts beating on Grunge!  He pounds away on him.

Joey Grunge you ARE the weakest link, goodbye at 24 mins.

Petey and Biggs left.  Jason Ray throws a table on Grunge.  Oh man Joey is bloody as heck, ref Ruffington gets knocked down, where's Ricky?  Joey throws Ray into a table chunk.  Joey piledrivers Ray.  Petey BULLDOGS Biggs through the table and it's over...the bell is ringing the announcer says they won.  But the ref says he didn't see any of it and doesn't count it???  Biggs side suplexes Petey between the table chunks and it's over for real for the BS finish.  Yeah like we needed THAT tacked onto it. 

WINNERS:  Hot Commodity KO -> 26:15 mins. *

I'm gonna get a lot of flak for this from the locals, but I'm gonna stand by my assessment here.  A number of people called this match awesome, but I don't think a pileup with a couple of sick bumps mixed in and the match practically coming to a halt just to do one killer table spot makes it a good tables match.  Big difference in tastes and standards I guess.  Joey didn't bother to clean his bloody face during the meet and greet with the fans.  Billy Reno ended up with a very sore back and Gavin suffered a concussion and rebroke his nose.

Next show, they are indeed gonna pull the trigger with Lucky Dane vs. JC Michaels.  I pretty much have mixed emotions about things with the fed right now, want the fed to improve but there's a lot of stuff to crititize these days Show overall was better than the AIW Hall one getting away from that extremely low ceiling, but they still got a ways to go. 

Thumbs in the middle.