The Rap Sheet - from the Crimefighter
Great American Wrestling's Panamonium
1/22/2K5, Pana, IL

The lynch mobs are on the prowl with daggers drawn...

This rap sheet is posted on http://www.newmidwest.com/forum and the Usenet group news:rec.sport.pro-wrestling.info along with the archive The Rap Sheet Dossier at http://rap-sheet.tripod.com The views expressed by Crimefighter and his guest do not necessarily reflect the views friends, associates, co-workers, organizations or any of the other six billion people on planet Earth.

It seems certain people are getting louder and louder to tell me not to write rap sheets anymore and it's getting to the point where I'm about ready to pull the plug on THEIR access to reading them until they quit taking it for granted, like freedom of speech. And I may just go full heel and actually BE the way that these certain people think I am just to demonstrate what they really haven't seen from me. I'll add stuff like trashing Democrats every chance I get and all these anti-war protesters still stuck with their heads up their butts. But I'm going to rant a little right now, everyone who's read my rap sheets and either enjoyed them, found them informative, made you feel that you were really there, I thank you all sincerely. For those who have been complaining about me just WRITING them, please STOP reading my rap sheets altogether and find someone else to get your show recaps from.

Due to the childishness of the moderators and the way the site is being run lately, chicagowrestling.com has become a shell of what he used to be, a site where ideas, thoughts and content of the various Chicago based wrestling companies were exchanged, but that has been thrown out the window as it's now a site where there's a heavy bias in favor of two feds who's call letters are IWA-MS and ROH, plus Lucha Libre. Now there's NOTHING wrong with IWA-MS and ROH, but all the other feds get short changed and branded a waste of time because they don't have those letters in their names. They're also more worried about who trained them to wrestle rather than if they CAN wrestle and perform in the ring. Now frankly these guys threw me out for using the six-letter R-word and writing the phrase the six-letter R-word but a day later kicked out very childishly another person who posted in proxy for me a long winded response to a bunch of shots they were taking afterward. So, consider chicagowrestling.com to be practically a hollow shell of itself as the moderator team has gotten very untrustworthy of late.

As a substitute to the declining cw.com, you are encouraged to hook up with the Wrestlingz National Enquirer at http://wrestlingnatenq.proboards28.com/ as the new, open voice on Chicago area wrestling.

Live from the Fraternal Order of Eagles in Pana, IL. Your PA commentary team is Slick Rick Castle and Colin McDowe, which amazingly McDowe is doing the face commentator role. The Eagles building is well, about as high as the previous venue GAW used, but the lights jut out of the ceiling and there's a disco ball. As a result, top rope moves are prohibited again. On two sides of the ring there's support poles, and those were used a lot. The drive to this venue was relatively trouble free, despite the inch of snow and high 30 mph winds that had been blowing around all day. Driving to this venue was with the wind to my back so it made it much easier, and the wind had died down going home. This is quite unlike what was going on in northern Illinois. Total attendance for this event was 60-70 people.

"Mr. Everything" JC Michaels & GAW owner Benjamin Taylor come out first, JC starts bragging about who all he's beat in his five minute challenges, all of like one guy. He says no one can beat him so he wants to ref to count out whoever it that's supposed to challenge him. Of course the lineup card says JC Michaels vs. Joe Cain so Joe Cain hits the ring.

"Mr. Everything" JC Michaels vs. "Modern Day Kid" Joe Cain - JC calls himself "Mr. Everything", which if you ever meet him will know why he's "Mr. Everything", cause well, he eats everything. It's 300 pounds versus the 120 pounder, oh it's another mismatch. Five minute time limit on this one. JC gets the hip toss, but Joe hits three successive drop kicks to cause JC to spill to the floor. Michaels stalls like mad, Joe foolishly tries to chase him back in but JC slams him down and elbows him for two. Joe tries to whip the 300 pounder and somehow clotheslines him down after three tries for two. JC puts on a 3/4 facelock which Joe twists out of and hits a DDT for two. LOW BLOW JC and a chokehold. Fight to the corner, Joe gains the upper hand and 10-punches him, tries for the tornado bulldog but gets thrown off, JC with "That's a wrap" for the pin. And JC celebrates like he's won a title or something. Geez, why can't they book the smaller guys against Cain or something? There's at least three others.

WINNER: "Mr. Everything" JC Michaels pin -> (2-1) 3:45 mins. ¼*

"The Flying Elvises" George Jr. & George 3rd vs. Dickie Williams & Chip Conway - Oh boy this should be good. This match originally wasn't on the lineup. Chip Conway comes out first and points to the back, but Dickie screams he's in the bathroom. When he comes out, he's got toliet paper hanging out his pants and forgot to zip his fly. For some reason or another Slick Rick brings up that Elvis Presley and it was his birthday recently, so he dedicates this match to Elvis. I have no idea why, well the Animals come out and they are wearing jumpsuits with wigs and sideburns, ugh. They all hug each other in the ring to start. Chip and Junior start, while Third and Dickie go to a neutral corner to talk about food. Junior gets the shoulderblock and applies the headlock, Chip tries to tag out but Dickie ain't there. They soon just walk over to break up the conversation. Third tags in, gets the headlock takedown and twists the arm. Chip tries to ram him but gets his 140 pound body shoved away and hit with an atomic drop. Third WHIFFS on a uppercut and presses Chip up. Dickie comes in begging to let him go, so Third drops him in Dickie's arms. Dickie tags in, as does Junior, Dickie gets the headlock and Junior slips out. Dickie asks how did you do that, they do it again, and Dickie acts all amazed so he asks him to show how he did it. Somehow Chip is brought in, Dickie headlocks Chip, and the Animals take a seat in the front row. Okay, NO ONE is this stupid. The wrestling clinic ends and we get back to action, Dickie gets the full nelson, tag, Conway tries a LOW BLOW kick and gets his own partner. Dickie in turn LOW BLOWS Conway. Did someone say they BADLY wanted me to talk psychology? Junior with the polish hammer, goes to the second rope but decides to hop off and do the running splash instead for two. Junior goes back to the second rope, hits the clothesline, slaps on the iron claw and gets the submission. Okay you wanted psychology, this match was ONLY psychology. Hope you're happy. They all dance together after the match, including the losers. Match was tolerable, only because it was early in the card.

WINNER: The Animals pin -> (2-1) 9:10 mins. ½*

The NEW Hot Commodity (debut) - Richard E. Biggs III & "Extreme Enforcer" Gavin Alexander w/ Billy Reno vs. Clark Bros. (debut) - Petey & Jessie - Where the heck is Adam Starr? Well it appears he's quit GAW again. Billy Reno appears to be sporting a finger injury. Hot Commodity attacks the Clarks and deliver dueling spinebusters. Biggs starts off with Petey and hits the side suplex. Gavin is being himself, yelling at the crowd about his manhood. Both members of Hot Commodity dwarf the Clarks, 275 each or so. Big legdrop and BIG SPLASH Biggs gets two. Clothesline from Petey, tags Jessie but runs into a LOW BLOW. Gavin tags he, he screams for all the in-bred hicks to go home...gee why'd he come to Pana? BIG SPLASH in the corner from the Extreme Enforcer, he pounds Jessie in the corner and chokes away. Gavin yells something about being a man in response to his cheating. Gavin makes a wish and kicks between the thighs, slams him and hits the elbow for two. Gavin flips Petey the bird and hits the legdrop. Tag Biggs, who hits a weak clothesline, does another make-a-wish low blow, then almost hits the disco ball with a suplex. I'm surprised they didn't use that thing at all for ring entrances. Biggs rams Jessie into Gavin's boot, then distracts the ref for him to choke on the rope. At this point a girl comes out from the back, dressed in a black suit and the match grinds virtually to a halt as everyone starts gazing at her. It's a setup by the heels though, they hit the side slam, Gavin puts on the sleeper, then splashes Jessie for two. Biggs works the knee as everyone is still drooling over the girl walking around the ring, well she is quite pretty, I'm trying my best to figure out who she is. Well she says she's scouting, so I'll just call her Scout. Biggs is in, applies the crossarm breaker, Jessie gets a desperation clothesline and tags Pete. Jessie is limping around the ring, Petey gets the crippler crossface, but Biggs powers out and almost pins him. Pete gets a clothesline but walks into a powerbomb. Hot Commodity take turns working the leg, Biggs misses the splash allowing Jessie to tag, he misses the splash but Gavin also misses the splash, tags Petey back in who cleans house, double team russian leg sweep finishes. Match was okay, Gavin just likes to scream.

WINNERS: Clark Bros. pin -> (1-0) 17:10 mins. **

Sore losers Hot Commodity are, they run back in to beat down the Clarks but Jaxson Pride makes the save, Gavin screams bloody murder that they want a six-man tables match with the Clarks and whichever partner they choose in March.

Mississippi Madman Don Jackson (2-1) vs. Truk Thompson (1-1) - Truk tries to give away a necklace to a girl sitting behind me, but for some reason doesn't give it to her and gives it to a kid on the other side. The Madman comes out and it's a brawl! Truk knocks Madman out to the floor and head into the CROWD. Madman pounds his head into some tables and chairs near the side of the room, two women scurry to the restroom to get out of their path. Referee Eric Ruffington gets behind the wall in front of the door and peeks over as Madman & Truk fight over to the bar. Truk blasts Madman with a chair, then rams him into the pole! They finally fight back up to the ring. Madman gets the upper hand and slams him, oh the Scout is back! Madman just freezes in awe gazing at her, allowing Truk to Russian Leg Sweep him down for two! Madman slaps on the Million Dollar Dream, Truk tries powering out but gets his ears boxed. Madman hits the BIG BOOT, goes to the second rope but misses the splash! Truk with a DDT gets two as the Scout leaves us. Some point in the evening, don't recall when I tell her she should ask me who she should go after cause I know all these guys. Truk with a second rope clothesline gets two, he sets up the spear and the STUPID commentary team GIVES HIM AWAY as Madman ducks it, Truk improvises with a sunset flip but Madman SITS on him for three! Nice job Slick Rick, Colin. Match was not as good as their first encounter though. Truk has to be helped to the back as the weight on his chest just HAD to hurt.

WINNER: Mississippi Madman pin -> (3-1) 7:55 mins. **½

At this point in the show some guys comes out in a red hooded sweatshirt complaining angrily that he's been training for several months but has yet to be put in a match. I ask him to identify himself, he is the True Talent Johnathon Scott. So issue an open challenge! Well someone comes out to the ring and it's the Freshman Matt Boston. Scott is none too pleased about his opposition, mainly cause he's of the lightweight class. Hardcore KC then comes out to the ring apparently to wrestle Boston. Benjamin Taylor comes out and says he's making the match a triple threat. GOOD! I was yelling for a triple threat.

NMW Tag Champ Hardcore KC (1-1) vs. "Freshman" Matt Boston (1-3) vs. "True Talent" Johnathon Scott (debut) - Normally for a match like this I'd have a tape recorder to assist but somehow I forgot to pack it with the rest of my bag of goodies. KC and Boston, one half of NMW tag champs Maximum Impact and rival team Sigma Omega Beta respectively, start fighting. KC side suplexes Matt, Johnny Scott jumps in and slugs KC and splashes him. Scott throws Boston out against the building pole. Scott gets the armbar, but KC gets a drop kick then whips him into Boston sending him to the pole again. Boston is trying to get back in, KC rolls Scott up for two before Boston breaks it up. KC goes outside to watch as Scott shoulderblocks Boston, Boston in turn hits a splash for two. Scott yells at KC to stay out as he clotheslines Boston down and hits a knee to the chest. Fisherman's suplex Scott gets two as KC jumps back in. KC hits a slam and Scott bails out, Boston gets a spinning toehold, Scott back in and DDTs Boston for two. KC & Boston dump Johnathon out, KC splashes Boston. Scott grabs Boston to set him up but KC kicks him to the pole. Boston with the wheelbarrow bulldog for two, the commentary team dub it with some name I've never heard of. Boston with the tornado bulldog gets two. KC whips Boston into Scott to knock him against the pole, F-5 finishes Boston off for the victory! KC gets a rare singles victory in a solid triple threat.

WINNER: Hardcore KC pin -> (2-1) 11:25 mins. ***

Apriq Laveq (1-1) vs. "Kaval's Hit Man" Scorpio (debut) - There's a bit of contraversey over Kaval lately, he hasn't been seen in the ring since last October yet they are trying to keep the feud going in his absense. It's an open question as to when we'll see Kaval again, well I ran into him on Wednesday. The commentators complain about the type of paper I use for signs, like I shouldn't be using it at all if it ain't posterboard. Scorpio is a generic masked guy in black with gold cape supposedly based out of National Wrestling Coalition, someone griped at the name Scorpio being used cause of 2 Cold Scorpio and some luchadore that uses the name. Apriq of course is Apriq. He wrestles him down and applies a half crab, then goes knee to knee and slaps on a sideways figure four. Scorpio gets out of it and ten punches him, monkey flip. Apriq puts on a chokehold, then the sleeper. Scorpio back up, Apriq misses the springboard, Scorpio with a rollup but Apriq hits the clothesline. Slugfest in the ring, Scorpio wins out and hits a second rope clothesline for two. Apriq grabs the rope, hits a LOW BLOW, rolls up Scorpio for the pin. Scorpio is mad, kicks Apriq out of the ring and chases him to the back. Nothing specials here, but the commentators completely forgot the basis of Scorpio being here. Kaval never knew he hired this guy either.

WINNER: Apriq Laveq pin -> (2-1) 6:40 mins. *

"The Big Spender" Billy Reno (0-0) w/ Hot Commodity vs. Jaxson Pride (3-1) - Oh great, three on one, surely Reno isn't THAT big a weakling that he has to have the help of two guys. Reno rips up an autographed playing card and dumps it in my lap, for whatever reason, since I didn't ask for a card. Reno is wearing a tie, which he takes off and promptly chokes Pride with it. Reno hits a drop kick that is about as high as the knees, legdrop gets two. Reno is a middleweight going against a heavyweight by the way. Reno chokes with the leg as the Scout comes back out. See she should had just sat in the audience for the entire show, she'd see a lot more that way. Gavin distracts the ref as Biggs wraps Pride's legs around the ring post. Reno hits the running back splash, Pride finally gets a chop on him. Pride hits a facebuster from the second rope as Scout takes off again. The Hot Commodity yanks Pride down, Reno goes after the leg and slaps on the figure four as Biggs pulls. It's broken up, Pride hits the spinebuster and a twisting back breaker for two. Pride puts on the sharpshooter, but Reno LOW BLOWS him. Gavin is once again shouting crap about his manhood as a Reno headbutt backfires, Pride with a clothesline for two. Reno clothesline, hits some cheap elbows and dumps him out. Pride BLASTS both members of Hot Commodity and shoves Gavin face first into the stairs, breaking his nose in the process. I have to scramble out of the way as bodies are piling up in front of me. Pride jumps back in, hits Shattered Pride (jumping flatliner) for the win. Ugh, Gavin Alexander is bleeding in front of me, well serves him right for cheating so much. I never like matches where one guy has a LOT of interference run for him, but thankfully he didn't win off of it.

WINNER: Jaxson Pride pin -> (4-1) 13 mins. **¼

GAW Tag Team Championship
(c)Irish Revolution - Mickey & Shamus McNelson (4-0) w/ Pat McGowen vs. Ace Dorrity & Kandi Deluxe (debut) - Well this is the first match back for Ace Dorrity after the disasterous "trash can drop" where he required about a dozen staples to close the wound after striking his head on the floor, Kandi's first match since then as well. McGowen is also referred to as Mugroin, but if the name is now McGowen for sure that's good news for him cause that Mugroin name is just awful. Mick & Kandi start. They trade clotheslines to start and Mick bails out, slapping Ace in the process. McGowen tries to bait the ref to run to Ace's corner but doesn't take it as Mick hits the suplex and the slam. Tag Shamus, they double suplex him, and man they were trying hard to miss that disco ball. Wished someone would had touched it at some point in the evening. Shamus with a choke, but Kandi hits a dropkick and tags out. Ace runs right into a powerslam, then gets locked in a sleeper hold. For a tennis player, Ace sure has a lot of tattoos. Ace stands up and hits a jawbreaker, tags Kandi, double dropkicks get two. Ace crouches behind Shamus for Kandi to shove the big guy over for two. Kandi with a shot to the arm from the second rope, it takes three clotheslines to knock him down. Shamus tags out, Mickey locks in the crossarm breaker. McGowen continues to annoy everyone around the ring so I break out the sign, and McGowen wants me to cover up my face with it. Mickey thinks he should had won and shoves the ref, Kandi hits the Russian leg sweep for two. I dunno where it came from, but Mick is choking Kandi with a jock strap that was hanging in the corner. Kandi gets a clothesline, tags out, he stomps away on Mick. Mick strikes back with a clothesline on the side of the head, then uses Ace's headband to choke him with. Commentators say something about Ireland, well Ireland draws MY ire. Mick with a powerslam gets two. I'm guessing Shamus tagged in cause he misses the charge, Ace tries for the tornado bulldog but gets THROWN OVER THE TOP ROPE! Ace hits the apron on his keister, oh boy had he gone directly to the floor it would had been another bad injury. Kandi in, gets powerbombed by Shamus, Ace in, hits a bulldog on Mick and we have dual covers. Ref refuses to count, saying the legal men are in the wrong covers. Well I have lost track of the legal men. Irish Revolution beat the down opposition, get Ace out, CLOVER CRUSHER on Kandi finishes. I guess Mick and Kandi were the legal men. Tag contest was decent enough.

WINNERS and STILL CHAMPS: The Irish Revolution pin -> (5-0) 16:25 mins. ***

Benjamin Taylor, being the jerk that he is orders a beatdown of the losers, but a bunch of guys rush in to break that up and chase them to the back.

Lucky Dane comes out for his mystery opponent, he runs through the list of people in GAW he's beaten the crap out of. Whoever it is that will fight him next will meet the same fate. Out comes "Spotlight" Spencer Powers who is the mystery opponent. I knew it was gonna be him, and am glad that this gonna be the main event matchup. Of course SSP goes into his spew that he's the one everyone paid to see, even though he wasn't advertized to appear. He's the master of the ab stretch! I wave a sign that says "Brown Out". Lucky Dane scoffs at his rant and says he's gonna make him famous. Who does he think he is? The Undertaker??? Dane THROWS SSP into the seats!

GAW Heavyweight Championship
(c)Lucky Dane (4-0) w/ Lizzy O'Shea vs. "Spotlight" Spencer Powers (2-0) - Dane pounds away among the chairs, SSP stumbles toward the ring. Once in the ring Dane wallops him around, and SSP threatens to leave, almost slapping Lizzy on the way out. Lizzy last month was supposedly attacked in the parking lot before the show and thus wasn't around. Dane nails him in the aisle, tries to whip him into the post but Dane is thrust into it instead! SSP pounds away, clothesline, SSP works him in the corner. Dane fires back with a hard chop and grabs the nipples. Ouch. Suplex from Dane gets two, double legdrop. SSP whip to the ropes and digs the knee in, three times as the setup for...the AB STRETCH! SSP uses the ropes, but blocks a hip toss attempt from Dane, DDT turns it into a reverse DDT for two. Dane pulls off a Japanese arm drag, but SSP clotheslines him down. SSP locks in that ab stretch again, Dane powers out and hip tosses him off. Dane with the clothesline, armbar DDT, Lizzy's tying up the ref! Dane gets the box of cerael...blasts SSP in the head with it! The Lucky Charms go everywhere, cover gets two! If SSP was pinned with the cerael box shot I would had been shocked. SSP latches on with the ab stretch again, but Dane breaks out, hits the armbar DDT once more and pins him. Well this has been the way it's been going for SSP lately, lost his mask, lost to a girl, now lost to a box of cerael. Go figure. Best match I've seen out of Dane thus far.

WINNER and STILL CHAMP: Lucky Dane pin -> (5-0) 9:40 mins. ***¼

Bunch of guys from the back come out to congratulate Dane, including Jaxson Pride, and we get a bit of tension in the ring as Dane explains that they are to face off in February for the GAW title, but next week challenge the Irish Revolution for the tag titles. And the show comes to a close as it's meet and greet with the wrestlers afterward.

The Verdict: The reshuffle of the lineup a couple days before the show helped a lot, as I was not crazy about the original setup on paper. Putting the crap on before the good stuff was a wise move as it allowed me to forget about the junk as the show wore on to the actual wrestling. So I'll give this a slight thumbs up.