The Rap Sheet - from the Crimefighter
Intergalatic Wrestling Federation
8/14/2K4, IL State Fair

I'm engaging in the power of POSITIVE THINKING...

The views expressed by Crimefighter are solely his own, and do not necessarily reflect the views of friends, associates, co-workers, organizations, whichever website you're reading this report on, or any of the six billion people on planet Earth.

I've been catching a LOT of flak from people lately in what I've written in previous reports to the point that this disclaimer has become necessary.  In what I thought was a horrid show last year at the fair by the IWF, being the fair person that I am, I came back to the fair to watch this show and left an all day fundraiser in which I was sent off with a pie in my face.  But that story will have to wait.  The IWF held it's autograph session the previous night where Rikishi was the main attraction.  Greg Valentine was supposed to be there as well, but due to Hurricane Charley ramming through his home city of Tampa he understandably couldn't make it.  Besides the flak with the rap sheets, I was blasted by members of another fed for bad reviews of past shows.  I was blasted by hosts of a radio station who have an obsession with other people's sex lives to justify their sympathy for that corrupt as heck NJ Governor Jim McGreevy.  I was blasted for cutting and pasting what was posted on the State Fair website onto Chicagowrestling.com's site then taking a shot at Buff Bagwell for what happened the last time he was in Springfield (he wasn't coming after all).  I won't restate it here, but a Google search on Buff and Springfield plus WCW Thunder will get you the story.  Anyway, as much as I've been on the firing line, I posted a note saying "I hate people" Friday night.  And I should've known the reason why I had a bad day, it was FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!  But Saturday's another day, and if I try thinking positive thoughts maybe I'll feel better and other people won't be blasting me full of holes.  So I'm gonna watch this IWF show, and think happy thoughts and write down at least one positive thing about each match.  So here we go!

Your ring announcer is 1450AM WFMB's morning host Sam Madonia.  Your referee is Nicholas Age.  It is announced that this is a five-match show.  The state fair DROPPED THE BALL by not bringing out enough chairs for floor seating.

Marty Graw 240lbs. New Orleans, LA vs. Backdraft Riley ???lbs. Firehouse 67th & Stony Island, Chicago, IL - Graw was stuck wrestling an imposter Buddy Rose last year, and hasn't decided if he's happy to be here this year.  Graw wrestles in Indiana.  Graw says wrestling Riley is like wrestling his dad so he'll have to whip him like his dad did.  They don't have a bell!  Graw stalls at the start.  Lockup, rake by Marty.  Graw is playing heel when he was the face last year.  Suplex, whip KO punch by Graw gets two.  Graw chokes away, whip back body drop by Graw.  Riley with a whip clothesline.  Itch Coma Weider runs out from the back to clobber Riley for no particular reason for the cheapo DQ.

WINNER:  Backdraft Riley DQ -> 2:50 mins. DUD

Hmmm....five match show, first one did not go over three minutes, what purpose does that serve?  The Combat Kid comes in to chase Itch off.  Itch calls him a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger, then trashes Springfield again.  Why does he keep coming year after year?  One positive thing, we can still chew him out year after year.  Itch runs his mouth then thinks about accepting the tag challenge between Backdraft Riley & Combat Kid.

Locked & Loaded - Rob Kincaid ???lbs. Palm Springs, CA & Skip Raddison 5'11" 274lbs. Palm Springs, CA vs. "The Gay Clown Duo" - Boink The Clown ???lbs. Clownland, USA & Gino Latino ???lbs. Parts Unknown - Kincaid has been in matches NWA Midwest and Extreme Wrestling Federation with guys who've been in NWA TNA like Wildcat Chris Harris.  He promises me at least ***½ match out of him the previous evening.  Boink wastes a lot of time walking around the crowd.  Locked & Loaded scream about Springfield stinking like heck and tell Boink to get himself a tag partner.  So Boink brings out some gay-looking guy with a big blonde wig.  Latino wrestles out of WCPW in Chicago.  L&L think they aren't real opponents so they are gonna leave.  What was Scott Keith's catchphrase..."I love shoot comments that aren't supposed to be shoot comments".  Boink pulls them out of the back and throws both L&L guys into the posts.  The gay clown duo goof off like mad.  Gino & Kincaid start.  Lockup Gino rubs his butt in his face.  Tag Boink, he stinkfaces him, eye poke.  Gino with a poke, armbar, bite, he tags Skip then stuffs a toy in Rob's mouth.  They goof off some more, Kincaid tags out, chop, tag Gino.  Double whip double clothesline.  Gino legdrop, elbow.  Boink ties up the ref, headlock Gino, whip clothesline gets two.  Knee, tag Boink, LOW BLOW Skip.  Stunner by Skip, choke, tag Kincaid and he chokes away.  The gay clown duo turn the tables, they ride both L&L members like broncos.  Clowns whip the heels into each other, double butt drops end this non-wrestling match.  Extended squash.

WINNERS:  Boink the Clown & Gino Latino pin -> 8:25 mins. DUD

If you LOVE comedy gimmick matches, then this was a ***** affair for you!  That type of match is my LEAST favorite.  One positive thing, at least Rob Kincaid & Skip Radison will be heading back to NWA Midwest to take on REAL competition and have REAL matches with REAL wrestlers.  I blame Boink & Gino Latino for this debacle cause they suck like bloody hell and so do comedy gimmick matches.

The Bouncer 269lbs. 16oz. Cinninati, TX w/ Itch Coma Wieder vs. Robert McPherson 23½ stones, Argle, Scotland - Itch is back out here to run his mouth, and they brag about fighting Public Enemy three years ago and said they cheated using the ring bell in a hardcore cage match.  McPherson comes out in a kilt and wields a claymore.  Lockup, Bouncer punches in the corner.  Lockup corner, the Scot with a KO punch.  McPherson kicks, chokes, whip hip toss, clothesline, slam.  Legdrop misses, Bouncer bails.  Poke, sunset flip Bouncer gets two.  Clothesline Bouncer, choke bottom rope by Itch.  Rear chinlock Bouncer, McPherson up, whip splash, standing choke.  LOW BLOW Bouncer, spinning neckbreaker gets two.  McPherson reverses a whip clothesline, he tries a powerbomb, BARELY gets him over and down that looked like crap and gets the pin.  Positive thing:  That sword is cool looking.

WINNER:  Robert McPherson pin -> 7:15 mins. ½*

It's intermission, and the Tonga Kid aka Islander Tama comes out and says coming to a venue like the fair reminds him of how he started in the business and introduces Rikishi to do autographs and pictures.  A large chunk of the crowd leaves for good.  I did ask various people what they thought of the show, I had a hard time finding someone with a positive opinion about it.

Itch Coma Weider ???lbs. Indianpolis, IN & Marty Graw 240lbs. New Orleans, LA vs. Commando ???lbs. Ft. Jackson, SC & Backdraft Riley ???lbs. Firehouse 67th & Stony Island, Chicago, IL - Itch wrestles in Central Wrestling Federation in Indiana and whines about respect on the mike again, to which I finally make an "Itch Sucks" sign.  Itch & Riley start.  Lockup to the corner, Itch leaves.  Lockup to the corner, Itch whines.  Lockup Riley slap, Itch LOW BLOW.  Graw chokes away, boot wipe Itch, tag Graw, shoulderblocks, whip clothesline Graw.  Thumb Itch, neck snap Graw.  Cover Graw gets two.  Graw whip powerslam gets two.  Choke Itch, chop Graw, choke Itch.  Riley finally gets a clothesline, tag Commando, inverted atomic drop, clotheslines, ten punch count in the corner.  Slam commando gets two.  Poke Graw, heels choke away, whip reverse Commando in the corner ten punch count.  Baseball slide dropkick in the corner, whip reverse rollup gets three.  Itch whines about losing, Graw expresses his disgust of Itch and walks off.  One positive thing, the patroits won.

WINNER:  Commando & Backdraft Riley pin -> 9:10 mins. *½

Ronnie Vegas 268lbs. Las Vegas, NV & Rino the Black Pearl ???lbs. w/ Lady Luck vs. Robert McPherson 23½ stones, Argle, Scotland & Tonga Kid ???lbs. Island of Tonga - I haven't seen Tonga Kid wrestle a match for a very long time, he's spent his time giving speeches at various churches across the country, in conjunction with Ted Dibiase.  Lady Luck asks what kind of man wears a skirt.  McPherson says she's not smart enough to know it's a kelt.  They trade verbal jabs.  Tonga & Vegas start, shove Kid.  Lockup, headlock armbar Kid and pulls it out with his leg.  Snap mare tag McPherson.  Whip splash McPherson, he chokes away.  LOW BLOW Vegas, tag Rino, he slugs away, elbow gets two.  Headbutt LOW BLOW Rino.  Tag Vegas, headbutt to the nuts, illegal switch, the heels work him over.  Tonga keeps jumping in and kicking people between rear headlocks.  Rino slugs Tonga Kid.  Tag Vegas, rake, Lady Luck jumps in and LOW BLOW kicks him.  Vegas whip reverse splash McPherson.  Tag Kid, headbutts, Kid whip back splash.  Rino and McPherson fight on the floor.  Vegas is set up in the corner, Rikishi's music plays!  Bouncer comes out, Locked & Loaded comes out, Marty Graw, Commando comes out.  Rino's in his face, he gets a double headbutt!  Bouncer gives Vegas stinkface!  Commando gives one!  Locked & Loaded give him a pair!  Marty Graw, then McPherson give him one!  Now it's Rikishi's turn!  He pulls his pants down and give him a BIG ONE!  Tonga Kid covers and the ref counts it.  Shocking there was no DQ, and that's a positive.

WINNERS:  Tonga Kid & Robert McPherson pin -> 9:50 mins. *¾

One positive thing:  We didn't have to watch Bobo Brazil Jr. against Vegas again in a chain match.  Rikishi wants to bust a move and dances with Locked & Loaded to end the show then signs autographs.

The Verdict:  One positive thing, everyone who was stuck being booked in crappy matches, including a bunch of the ones playing heels got to stinkface Vegas.  Vegas I think should stick to wrestling only and not book a show cause he clearly is incapable of doing it.  The first show here was their best, the second year was a horrid show, I didn't think they could have a show any worse than last year, they did.  One positive thing:  I won't have to watch another IWF show for a whole year, that is if they're even allowed back in the fairgrounds come 2005.

Thumbs WAY WAY DOWN.