Just what we need, another American Idol/Joe Millionaire/Bachelor/Mr. Personality/etc. knockoff. 411mania.com is holding a writing contest, where they are searching for the next undiscovered freelancer media mind to rant about pro wrestling. As with all these other reality TV series, this is also under elimination rules, where the readers vote off the weakest link, whomever they think is the worst columnist. At least this contest is not going to be televised. Now the entry window has already closed, but frankly, I wouldn’t have gotten past the first round anyway. The rules state it’s a 500-word limit for round one, and being that I’m long-winded, I’d easily pass the limit. But then because I'm long winded and don't type that fast, I really don't have enough time to go through that. There’s a bunch of other rules too that I don’t wish to deal with so here is my unofficial entry into the contest:

A loaded question, one that’s very broad and a whole book could be written about it. I’m not willing to write a book, so I’m gonna write a list on this question.

The Obvious:

End the brand extension or defend all the belts on both shows.
Get rid of the soap-opera writers with no knowledge of the wrestling business.
Put Paul Heyman BACK on the writing team; remove Triple H and Stephanie from it.
Have longer matches on TV, the less than three minute ones restricted toward "lay-down squashes".
Vince McMahon step aside as "head booker".
Ditch the heavy, slow, boring wrestlers.
Ditch the old wrestlers that no one is interested in seeing anymore. That's Hogan, Nash, Piper, etc.
Strip the WCW World title from Triple H, he didn’t win it, he’s only the Intercontinental Champ if anything.
Stop putting cruiserweights against The Big Show or anyone 300lbs.+

Not So Obvious:

Total shakeup of the rosters, shuffle men between the brands.
If two men cannot do better than a one star match, don't put them on at all!
Call up all the people in the OVW developmental league and put them on TV, have OVW guy vs. OVW guy so no one gets buried on their first appearance.

Stupid mistakes McMahon is doing:

Because there's no competition, slow down and don't put much effort into the product.
Do not allow the seperate brands to compete with each other to be the better show.
Not listening to the reactions of the fans and booking accordingly. LIKE HHH vs. Nash!

Unfortunately, the biggest problem in the WWE is Vince himself. He's not changing with the times, not listening to fans, and is willing to make the product a lot more boring or unwatchable. Half of that is injury fears, the other being no competition. At least until NWA-TNA gets a more wider TV deal to show Explosion.

Bottom line, you want to see good wrestling, attend the local indy show in your own hometown. In Springfield, IL we have New Midwest Wrestling to see once a month, and in many cities that are 100K in population, you probably have one there too. Go watch, keep the industry alive, even if the 800 pound gorilla looks lifeless at the top.

Now that's HARDLY a winning essay, but that's the answers in brief and I'm not all that crazy about the entries in round one, except for the very last one that I liked the best, "Insulting Our Intelligence".

Found some new matches to look at from some recently discovered sources, so this Rap Sheet covers the following matches:

(c)Afa Jr. vs. Havoc - WXW Heavyweight Title Match
The Mad Russian vs. One Billy Body
Nuisance vs. Wenzell
Supreme Lee Great vs. Shane Black vs. Zero Gravity vs. Tommy Suede - WXW Cruiserweight Title, TLC Fatal Four-way Match

Del Tsunami vs. "Fantastic" Jim Nastic
"Sudden Impact" Dylan Kage vs. "Diehard" Eddie Edwards

(c)Bill Goldberg vs. Scott "Flash" Norton - WCW US Heavyweight Title

First we go to World eXtreme Wrestling at http://www.wxwwrestling.com from the page http://www.thebaldguy.net/wxw_netcast2.htm, all of these matches are at 251K video quality.

WXW Heavyweight Title Match
(c)"The Samoan Storm" Afa Jr. 6’3", 235lbs. Allentown, PA vs. "The Puerto Rican Hurricane" Havoc 6’0", 230lbs. Allentown, PA - Afa Jr. is obviously the son of Afa the Wild Samoan. Havoc with a wild charge that misses, Afa hits a legdrop off the ropes on the apron. Fight outside, Afa tries a whip, blocked, Havoc with a suplex on the floor. Havoc rams him on the rail then gets back in. Afa tries to get back in but gets knocked off into the rail, then thrown back in. Havoc pounds away, Irish whip, sidewalk slam gets one. Pound away, headbutt to the shoulder. Irish whip, swing and a miss, dropkick Afa Jr. Slugfest, Afa gets the better, whip, spinning heel kick, Samoan drop, Afa on top, flying clothesline gets two. Afa continues the pounding, whip reverse, Havoc grabs him and sends his face to the mat. Havoc chops away, whip reverse, Afa gets kicked in the head from a back body drop attempt, but spinebusters Havoc off the ropes. Legdrop by Afa Jr. gets two. To the corner, Afa chops away, whip reverse, spear Havoc, cover gets two but Afa grabs the bottom rope. Slam Havoc, he goes up, Afa gets up and kicks him off. Neckbreaker off the ropes by Afa Jr. Irish whip reverse, Rock Bottom attempt by Havoc, but Afa fights out of it and hits it himself. Frog splash off the top rope by Afa Jr. gets three.

WINNER and STILL CHAMP: Afa Jr. pin -> 6:15 mins. **

The Mad Russian stats unknown vs. "Beautiful" Billy Body 5’9" 182lbs. Sunny, California - The lights are dim, allowing the Russian to attack him from behind in the corner, beatdown, choke, bite. Irish whip, back elbow, elbowdrop gets two. Mad Russian pounds away on his head, then chokes with the leg. Billy with a side kick to the head to slow him down. Billy now pounds away on the Russian, whip, clothesline to the chest. Running legdrop gets two. Triple B kicks away, but the Russian rakes the face, Irish whip reverse to the corner, Russian crashes then gets rolled up for three. Commentators claim this was a big upset.

WINNER: "Beautiful" Billy Body pin -> 2:15 mins. ¼*

Nuisance 5’9" 240lbs. Spanish Harlem vs. Moondog Wenzel 6’1" 252lbs. Swamps of Louisiana - Well this man claims to be a part of the vast moondog litter…right. Oh boy, he’s got the Darth Vader theme. Lockup, Nuisance slugs away, whip across, clothesline misses, back elbow by Wenzel, hip tosses and a slam cause Nuisance to flee to a corner. Okay, this isn’t anything like the moondogs of old. Wenzel runs in and kicks away and pounds him in the corner, whip double reverse, Wenzel tosses and tries a flying neckbreaker but doesn’t get much of it. Nuisance outside, baseball slide by Wenzel misses, Nuisance tries to throw Wenzel into the rail but eats it himself. Toss in, beg off, Wenzel walks up and kicks him, whip and side slam gets two. Another whip, head down, kick, clothesline by Nuisance. This apparently is a heel vs. heel match, Nuisance bites, whip and Rude Awakening neckbreaker gets two. Nuisance pitches the moondog outside. Nuisance chops him hard, Wenzel slingshots himself in for a sunset flip for two. Nuisance nails Wenzel with a clothesline for two. Choke, rear chinlock by Nuisance. Wenzel up, elbows out, but gets knees to the gut on a charge. Butterfly armbars by Nuisance, rear chinlock, another elbowing out, charge, clothesline misses, both men’s heads collide. Wenzel whips, impaler DDT, puts Nuisances on the top rope, Wenzel pounds on his head up there, Wenzel puts his back to Nuisance, hooks his arms, and flips him over his head off the top rope landing on his back. That was different. No name for the move though, only gets two with it but I didn’t see the shoulder come up. Wenzel slam, to the second rope, "Crappy the Clown" comes out (the heck?) and throws a big wad of powder in his face. Ref sees the powder cloud and the thug leaving but DOESN’T CALL FOR THE BELL??? Nuisance on the top rope and does the blockbuster for the win. Bleh, this finish was CRAP.

WINNER: Nuisance pin -> 8 mins. *½

WXW Cruiserweight Title - TLC Fatal Four Way
Supreme Lee Great 5’8" 210lbs. Crestwood High vs. Showtime Shane Black 5’8" 185lbs. Plymouth, PA vs. "Zero Gravity" Mason Cage 5’9" 208lbs. Philadelphia, PA vs. (c)Smooth Tommy Suede 5’11" 202lbs. Philadelphia, PA w/ Ariel - Tables, ladders and chairs are in effect for this one, first to grab the belt wins it. Shane Black was incorrectly announced as the champ during the intros. I am not sure if this girl named Ariel is the same one from ACW...unless she colored her hair blonde recently. If it isn't, I have a point of contention. All these women wrestling personalities need to get themselves a last name cause there's a lot of girls running around using one word names and more than one are using them. Did you know there are two Trinity's? Yes, there's one in NWA-TNA and one in Midwest Powerhouse Wrestling, so make it less confusing and cut the risk of mistaken identity by using a first and last name. The referee and commissioner is calling himself "Lotta Money" and wearing a ship's captain outfit of all things. He sends Ariel to the back, so she kisses him good luck. ZG gets out of the ring as the three others start fighting. Suede hops off the top from Great. Suede flip dives onto Black. SLG does a cross body on Great outside. ZG then does a dive off the top on the three men. Heel kick by Black on ZG. Clotheslines by Black, then ZG nails him. ZG picks up Black, slugs away, gets a chair, but Black trips him up to stop it. Black tosses the chair and dropkicks ZG with it. SLG nails Black with the chair. Suede nails Great with the chair, ZG dropkicks both men holding chairs. Facebuster ZG on Suede. Black DDTs ZG on another chair, chokes ZG with a chair, blasts him with it. Great gets a ladder, to the corner, whip to the ladder goes ZG. SLG with a german suplex on Black. SLG climbs with ZG on the ladder, double arm suplex. Suplex SLG Black into the ladder, SLG suplexes Suede. SLG goes up to the top, Suede up and walks away, SLG doesn't even look before doing the "Whisper in the Wind" corkscrew moonsault and missing by a mile. Spinkick to the head by Suede, moves the ladder. ZG fights with Black on the floor, ZG gets posted. Suede nutcrackers SLG with the ladder, he's up on top, "Whisper in the Wind" on SLG inside the ladder! Throws the chair on Black. Dropkicks ZG out. Suede throws ZG back out. Pick up SLG, slam Suede. To the top, 450 splash gets two before it's broken up. ZG and SLG fight outside. Black hits Suede with a chair. Ladder up, Black climbs, ZG gets a table, Suede shoves him off, goes up himself, ZG powerbombs him off sloppily. Cover is broken up. Well, apparently pinfalls or retrieving the belt wins it. Black has the ladder and nails ZG with it. Black puts the ladder in the ropes, puts ZG's face near the end, hops on the ladder's other end and smacks ZG's chin with it flipping him in the air. Ouch. SLG puts a table in the ring. Slam Black on ZG, Black to the top and slams the ladder on ZG. SLG chokes Suede. Thesz press on SLG by Black. Black tries setting up the table but the legs are broken off, oops. Bonazi drop by Suede on SLG. Black on top, ZG meets him, super frankensteiner by ZG. DDT Suede on SLG. Suede gets a chair and blasts ZG. Suede blasts SLG. Suede throws ZG out. Suede uses the chairs for the legs of the table. Black sets up the ladder, ZG dropkicks Black, SLG is kyptro crunched by Suede onto the table. ZG dives on Black. Cover by Suede on SLG gets three! ZG covered Black too though (half count later), and ZG thinks HE won! Uh oh, ZG is mad and argues with the ref, bulldogs Suede off a chair. Big fight with ZG and Suede. Black blasts SLG with a chair. Lotta Money orders the action to stop, puts Black against SLG in a match for later, asks ZG what's his problem. ZG calls him blind and wants his shot. Money grants a title shot against Suede for a later date. Strangely enough, no teamwork at all in this match as all four men were fighting for themselves. Usually you don't see a TLC match end on a pinfall, when it's usually getting the belt hanging over the ring.

WINNER and STILL CHAMP: "Smooth" Tommy Suede pin -> 9:45 mins. ***

Now we jump to Assault Championship Wrestling with their biweekly internet streaming video file, dated 5/10/2K3 at 95K video quality at http://www.assaultwrestling.com/media-tv/highspeed/tv05102003.asf for not much longer. Show opens with an obituary photo of recently departed Miss Elizabeth. We them jump to the closing moments of the outdoor cage match between Jason Knight and Dylan Kage as Bull Dredd gets in the cage to interfere. Justin Credible who apparently had some sort of alliance with Knight during the ECW days, he comes in and attacks Knight with the kendo stick, then joins the crime family. The crooked ref also jumps in and fast counts Knight out. Then the mob proceeds to beat down Knight some more. PJ then comes on to bash The Family while talking about the lineup.

"The Brazilian Shooter" Del Tsunami w/ Talia & Mike Milano vs. "Fantastic" Jim Nastic - Mike Milano the crime boss is commentating with PJ now. Tsunami is the ACW Jr. Heavyweight champion, and was supposed to defend the title against the #1 contender but the mob boss makes it non-title using his 37% ownership clause and to demonstrate that he is a WUSS. Milano is running his mouth on the mike and the commentators booth at the same time. See this is what happens when you allow promotion owners to manage wrestlers. Nastic has one of those play on names...gymnastic. Staredown, slugfest, clotheslines by Nastic send Tsunami out. Lockup to the corner, Nastic chops away, whip to the other corner, charge clothesline hits, kicks in the corner, Nastic pounds on Tsunami's head, Milano starts whining, pickup, powerslam Nastic gets two. LOW BLOW Tsunami, and he proceeds to beat him down and apply a surfboard. Pickup, gut wrench suplex by Del gets two. Pickup, Russian leg sweep gets two for Del. Another pickup, shove to the corner, kick, chops, whip reversed, charge meets a boot and a shouldertackle. Del covers for two again, as Milano whines about the ref not counting as fast as his crooked ref. Del picks him up, chops, whip, powerslam ONE. Attempted side suplex by Del is botched as he falls down with Nastic on top for a two count. Del up again, to the corner, punches away, kick, knee to the face, whip clothesline in the corner, another reversed, splash Nastic, whip again powerslam Nastic gets two. Slugfest, whip Nastic back body drop, Nastic goes in, whip across, Del jumps on the corner, headscissors Nastic's head, but his hands slip and Del goes down face first hard. Something happened to Nastic though, but I couldn't see what as Del shrugs it off somehow and puts on the Boston Crab. Holio Joe is crashed into as Del can't hold the submission hold, rollup, no ref. Del belly to back suplex, Dylan Kage out, Del holds Nastic up for a spin kick but hits Del instead. Nastic throws Kage out, Nastic moves Del in position, moonsault Nastic one two three. Kage superkicks the referee. PJ and Milano scream at each other.

WINNER: "Fantastic" Jim Nastic pin -> 8:50 mins. **

Del Tsunami cuts a promo saying despite Nastic winning he's gonna beat him in that title match and still be champ. PJ is in the ring trashing La Familia again, Milano comes out telling him to shut up then kick him down.

"Sudden Impact" Dylan Kage w/ Mike Milano & Talia vs. "Diehard" Eddie Edwards - Lockup, armbar Kage, Edwards rolls out and reverses it, Kage trips him, punch, headlock, takedown, two counts. Shoveoff, shoulderblock Kage, another headlock takedown. Skip ahead, shoveoff, trip Edwards, armbar, to the corner, Kage punches away, whip Kage forearms him and chokes. Kage, whip Edwards hops over and armdrags Kage down. Another takedown by Edwards. Kage flees the ring. Boy that band in the background is causing such choppy sound. Eyepoke Kage, whip reverse, armdrag, dropkick Edwards. Kage bails Edwards follows, fight outside, Kage rams him into the railing. Toss in, Kage whips to the corner and covers for two. Whip, clothesline misses, sunset flip by Edwards gets two. Clothesline Kage, Talia grabs the ref. Edwards chops Kage, another rake by Kage, to the corner, chop away Kage, Kage slugs Edwards down, slam. Another rollup by Edwards gets two. Geez, this video has very poor audio, like you're hearing the live audio and delayed audio at the same time. Flatliner on a knee by Kage gets two. Choke on the ropes by Kage. Whip, bearhug Kage. Edwards gets out and hits a flying back elbow. Kage kicks back, backbreaker Kage. Kage pounds away, Edwards grabs the legs, flips over and gets a two count. Suplex Kage on Edwards gets two. Kage goes up, frog splash gets the knees. Edwards up, slugs away, whip, flying headscissors by Edwards. Suplex Edwards gets two. Whip to the corner reversed, Kage meets a boot, side suplex by Edwards gets two. Talia is up on top, crossbody on Edwards, missed by the ref. Spin kick by Kage gets three. BLEH. Milano offers his hand to Edwards and surprisingly he shakes it and Kage as well.

WINNER: "Sudden Impact" Dylan Kage pin -> 10 mins. *½

Finally we're gonna jump to a classic bout from World Championship Wrestling at 200K video quality for all you Goldberg-bashers out there to remind you that Goldberg can perform. This one came from http://www.wrestlinghit.com.

(c)Bill Goldberg vs. Scott "Flash" Norton - Norton is with the NWO at this point. They jaw away, Norton chops away, whip, kick, charge shoulderblock Norton gets one. Another jawfest, Goldberg, kicks Norton, spinning neckbreaker Goldberg gets one. Norton tosses Goldberg out, they're fighting outside, Norton rams Goldberg into the post, toss in, Goldberg kicks and applies a legbar, but Norton gets the ropes. To the corner, Goldberg tries a whip, blocked, Norton kicks away, whip reverse shoulder to the gut Goldberg, but Norton grabs him and does a shoulderbreaker for two. Norton puts on an reverse armbar, Goldberg fights his way up, but Norton does a flatliner. Norton with another shoulderbreaker attempt, Goldberg slips out and spears him. Suplex powerslam Jackhammer gets three.

WINNER and STILL CHAMP: Bill Goldberg pin -> 2:45 mins. **½

That's it for this edition of the Rap Sheet, next time, the Crimefighter looks at Galaxie Pro Wrestling and some matches from Jerry "The King" Lawler.