The deal about getting a big head, I had won WWE tickets and a limo ride to and from the show. Mr. PMS thinks I'm getting a big head and am becoming impossible to deal with. Eh? I was also holding a sign saying "I'd rather be viewing New Midwest Wrestling" at the WWE show. They thought I was dissing the WWE in my last rap sheet, which was posted on 1wrestling.com and pwinsider.com, by putting those same words in the piece. Well I didn't write in there that NMW was better than WWE, but hey, it was my way of plugging the local fed. Others disagreed and shook my hand for doing it. PMS and I did make a truce for tonight cause his team's taking on the cult and I can't stand the cult.

We're live from Club 217, and attendance is still minimal. Yeek. Your ring announcer is Philip H. Dempsey, and now I must volunteer to ring announce pro-bono next week so we don't have to endure that any longer. He says his music isn't being played loud enough. Your referee is Ricky the ref.

"The UNDERachiever" Billy Morgan (7-6) 5'10" 172lbs. Riverton, IL vs. Hardcore KC (0-3) 5'7" 170lbs. Kansas City, MO - Morgan attacks KC, whip reverse clothesline KC, KO punches and Morgan backs off to the ropes. KC charges but goes flying out to the floor. Billy crossbody on the floor, toss in cover gets two. Chop Billy, whip splash gets two. Whip crossbody KC gets two. Whip stungun Billy, legdrop gets two. Whip superkick gets two. Billy whip reversed, KC eats a boot, Sliced Bread #2 follows and gets the pin. Big squash.

WINNER: Billy Morgan pin -> (8-6) 3:30 mins. *

NMW Tag Team Championship
The NEW Cult of RON (6-3) Kincaid, IL - "Don't call me the Khaos Kidd no more" Steven Bishop (2-7) 5'7" 200lbs. & The Apostle Jakob (0-1) 5'11" 252lbs. vs. Drive Thru (0-1) - Red (0-0) 5'9" 197lbs. Decatur, IL & Coop (0-0) 5'11" 304lbs. Decatur, IL w/ Peter McDonald Sanders - Thankfully we're spared from the presense of RON again tonight. Jakob is back in black too. Coop and Jakob start. Headlock Coop. Whip Jakob crashes in the corner, double clothesline. Tag Red. Slam Red, legdrop gets two. Shoulderblock in the corner, whip splash misses, Jakob clothesline. Red gets stuck in the tree of woe, Bishop illegal switch, dropkick to the face, Red bails out. Elbow, chop, DDT, legdrop Bishop gets two. Suplex Bishop, turnbuckle smash. Whip drop toe hold Red sends Bishop into to bottom turnbuckle. Whip elbow Red, slam, running elbow gets two. Tag Coop, choke, whip clothesline, whip splash in the corner. PMS chokes Bishop. Whip from Coop, splash misses, Bishop chops away. Bishop knocks Red off, PMS on the apron and barely evades attack. Headbutt Bishop gets two. Tag Red, punch from the second rope, armbar legdrop gets two. Red with a facebreaker. Tag Jakob, spinebuster gets two. Knee to the gut, tag Bishop, punch from the second rope. Whip Bishop side slam gets two. Whip spinebuster Bishop, Coop in, Bishop with a choke, DDT Coop. Tag Red. Side slam Coop, elbow Red double team gets two. Red DDT gets two. Whip elbow Bishop, tag Jakob, double team death valley driver and brainbuster! Red is driven down headfirst! Ouch! It's all over...

WINNERS and STILL CHAMPS: The NEW Church of RON pin -> (7-3) 12:35mins. **½

PHD gets on the mike and says there's a "commerical break".

Kev G (debut) ?'??" ???lbs. Granite City, IL vs. New World Quinten Tyler (1-6) 5'11" 230lbs. Denver, CO - Kev G, apart from his two rumble appearances, finally gets a one-on-one match. Kev is not paying attention, NWQ tags him. Quinten slaps Kev around, Kev gets mad cause he can't get him. Clothesline Quinten. Kev with a knee, whip clothesline, hip toss, slam. Kev showboats, but NWQ does a kip-up and tackles him. Suplex Quinten, leg drop gets two. Whip Quinten, belly to belly suplex gets two. Shoulderblock Quinten, snap mare gets two. Whip Quinten spinebuster gets two. LOW BLOW KEV, DDT, choke on the mat. Kev G takes his shirt off and gives out a war cry, he goes for the pedigree, Quinten blocks it, Quinten with the pedigree and wins it. Quinten rates his own match ***** ***** ***** *****. Quick match that finally snaps NWQ out of his losing streak.

WINNER: New World Quinten Tyler pin -> (2-6) 4:50 mins. *½

The Freshman (1-1) 5'8" 120lbs. Carbondale, IL vs. Lucious P. Cotrain (7-4) 5'10" 230lbs. Land of Lucious - LPC yells at Boston to look toward the sound booth cause that's where he's having to be working the sound. LPC argues with someone in the crowd about who's fat. LPC says his belly is just full of love. Matt jumps LPC from behind, whip reverse Matt takes the knee out. Boston stomps away and works the knee, giving it some torque. LPC kicks him off and pounds away. LPC tosses him out, rams him in the apron, the stairs and the post. Toss in, LPC with a shoulder rack then rams him in the corner. Whip LPC clothesline, choke on the ropes, he charges to sit on him but crotches himself. Boston rolls him up for two, trips him for two counts. LPC with a rake, kicks away, chokes him with a foot. LPC whip spinebuster, Boston Crab but Matt gets the ropes. LPC argues but gets rolled up for two, small package gets two. Whip by Matt, KICK WHAM STUNNER LPC ends it.

WINNER: Lucious P. Cotrain pin -> (8-4) 6:50 mins. **¼

PHD makes the comment that when he managed the frat boys, no member got beat up so bad. Uh, Boston wasn't even a member of the frat boys when you managed him!

Mr. Elite (debut) ?'??" ???lbs. Minnaepolis, MN vs. "E-Lo" Eric Logan (9-7) 5'10" 173lbs. Palm Springs, FL - Since Logan can't moonsault in with the ceiling beams, he sits on the top rope and flips over. Slam Elite, hip toss, side suplex. Logan slam, hip toss, side suplex, drop kick. Elite bails, then stalls for a long time until Logan tries to baseball slide him but misses. Slam on the floor by Elite, apron smash, toss in, cover gets two. Whip backbreaker Elite, choke, whip side slam gets two. Suplex Elite, camel clutch but lets go. Whip flying headscissors Logan, armdrag, slam, flying elbow gets two. Whip clothesline Elite gets two. Gut wrench suplex Elite gets two. Back breaker Elite, powerbomb attempt blocked, Logan sunset flip for two. Suplex Elite, whip rollup Logan gets two. Small package Logan gets two. OK roll gets two. Belly to belly slam Elite gets two. Choke Elite, Elite picks him up in the backbreaker position then drops him. Whip Elite, Logan crashes in the corner. Choke Elite, whip Logan with a messy drop toe hold that one of Elite's legs kicks Logan in the face. Logan gets up, hits a 619, slingshot splash gets two. Whip Elite with the inverted atomic drop. Elite torques the neck through the ropes. Logan with the northern lights suplex, slugfest, whip DDT Logan and wins it.

WINNER: "E-Lo" Eric Logan pin -> (10-7) 12 mins. ***½

PHD says the next match was supposed to be a handicap match, but there was a volunteer to take on the Madman. El Pollo Loco and Shane Matthews I guess aren't here.

"Toga" Steve Fisher (3-5) 5'10" 240lbs. Carbondale, IL vs. Mississippi Madman Don Jackson (1-0) 6'2" 400lbs. Olive Branch, MS - Madman has different music tonight, which doesn't fit him that well. I had suggested adding the classic sound bite "I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE THIS ANY MORE!!!" to the beginning of his music, he thinks it's a great idea. http://wavthis.com/M/madashell.zip Toga slugs away, headbutt Madman. Chop, whip Madman crash goes Toga. Jackson stands on him, choke, bearbug. Facebreaker Toga, whip clohtesline Jackson. Choke in the corner, shoulderblocks Madman, whip splash missed. Axe handle Toga from the second rope gets two. Whip Toga, Saluki hammer Toga, neck snap. Clothesline Madman, elbow gets two. Choke Jackson, slam. Whip side slam Madman gets two. Madman with a facelock, elbow gets two. Jackson whip Toga messes up his attempt of the hazing inverted swinging neckbreaker and just yanks him down on the mat. Clothesline, Saluki hammer sends Jackson outside. Toga goes out, puts Madman against the post, they fight outside and the referee counts them BOTH out! Darn it! Heck I was counting with the ref and did 9½, 9¾.

NO WINNER: Double countdown draw -> 8:15 mins. **

Well Madman is still mad and fetches a chair under the ring. BAM on Toga. I yell at Toga's partner to save his partner, he says he'd be crazy to do that. Madman tosses Toga in, Ricky the ref runs off, Rip Mystic jumps in has the chair BAM on Madman, SUPERKICK on the head floors Madman. Rip Mystic gets Toga outta there. Rip better be careful with that back. Devall thinks PHD should be fed to Madman. We're going to "commercial break" again. When PHD comes back, he says it's time for the 2nd Annual Jimmy "The Bruiser" plugging of the sponsors. Osbourne comes over complaining about the use of his name, PHD says he'll do whatever he wants. Devall says do you know Jimmy can kick his butt? Jimmy jumps over the top rope to get at PHD and he flees. Dang he's lucky he didn't trip. I walk over and raise Jimmy's arm in front of PHD to piss him off. PHD intros Sage Ramsey as smelly cabbage. See, that's why I'd volunteer as ring announcer for nonsense like that.

Jumping ahead to AFTER the show was over, PHD tagged Jimmy and ran. The Bruiser ran after him, I was actually gonna help box him in, but PHD runs toward the stage, he hops up and out with ease, but Jimmy trips and actually crashes on the floor messing up his arm trying to catch himself on the stage. He's not as young as he used to be to do those sort of chases.

Danger Doug Fraze (4-6-1) 6'6" 275lbs. Chicago, IL vs. Sage Ramsey (7-7) 6'4" 268lbs. Peoria, IL - Lockup, clean break. Sage whip clothesline missed, boot blocked. Lockup, whip trip Sage, legdrop missed. They go to the test of strength. Sage gets knocked down on the ropes, Doug sits on him. Suplex Fraze, hair yank neckbreaker gets two. Sage slugs away, headbutt Sage, whip clothesline gets two. Half crab Sage, Doug with a rake. Whip splash Fraze gets two. Safe whip reversed SPEAR Fraze gets two. Sage with a half crab again, lets go, slam legdrop gets two. Headlock applied on the mat, but Fraze with a LOW BLOW gets two. Slam Fraze, legdrop gets two. Fraze chokes away, kick, POWERBOMB LAST RIDE gets two. Fraze shoves Ricky the ref out of the ring, which somehow knocks him out, yeah right. Doug fetches a chair, Sage kicks it into his head, ref gets back in and counts two. Double chokeslam Baldo Bomb gets two. Sage with the chokeslam gets two. Sage whip BIG BOOT, Final Fall back to belly slam finally wins it. Best match of the night, Sage though appeared to have damaged his hip. Doug slowly gets up and acts like he won or something.

WINNER: Sage Ramsey pin -> (8-7) 16:50 mins. ****

Surprise surprise, your special guest referee is senior talent scout "Poor" Danny Eardley! My gosh, I've NEVER seen this man before, when's the last time he's refereed a match...and he's dancing out to the ring. Arson has the mike, he's got three problems, one of those lights is hurting him, second problem is Scotty Cash. Whoever had the idea to have him suck over Tom Arson is an idiot. Third problem, he looked through the rule book, it said must defend every thirty days. He defended it last week, so he's not defending it tonight. Hey THAT'S NOT YOUR CALL TO MAKE! SOMEHOW that statement that he's not defending stands. Scotty Cash has won the last two meetings against Arson, by cheating of course.

Non-title Match
(c)"Trendsetter" Tom Arson (9-8) 6'5" 260lbs. St. Louis, MO vs. Scotty Cash (6-8-1) 5'9" 170lbs. "Yo Momma's House" - Cash teases Arson with some dodging at the start. Lockup shove Cash and Arson's wrecked his knee already. GIMPY! Arson pokes Cash, Cash pokes Arson. Cash teases Arson further. Arson kick, forearm, slam, uppercut, forearm shots, side slam. Whip crossbody Cash, he slugs away on the mat, slam. Arson with a drop toe hold into the turnbuckle, suplex. Whip clothesline Arson. Cash chops away, Arson with a BOOT. Rear chinlock Cash, elbow Arson, choke. Cash with a small package for two. Arson toss out, legdrop gets two, Arson chokes him in frustration. New World Quinten then stops by my table and tries to arrange dates for me during the rest of the match! Somehow that leads to Quinten convincing Cherry Malone to ask me out or something, even though she's TWELVE years younger than me, and EIGHT years younger than my sis. I thought she was dating Matt Young? Well despite this distraction I notice Arson whips Cash into the corner, splash, Arson showboats a bit but Cash with a quick rollup out of nowhere and gets the three count for his first NMW singles match victory apart from the Rumble in a year.

WINNER: Scotty Cash pin -> (7-8-1) 7:45 mins. **½

Arson's pissed off that he lost, and gives Cash a LIBERTY SPIKE PILEDRIVER! Arson thinks Cash needs another piledriver, but Benz gets in the ring and Arson decides to leave. Devall gets the mike and says if Saturday night is anything like he just saw, he's not gonna have that belt much longer. If he can beat you here, he can beat you there. Quinten is still trying to fix me up with Cherry. Wonder if this is my punishment for that "Lemon Malone Pie" picture I made.

NMW vs. WWE RAW week two. NMW's matches were better overall over the WWE RAW TV matches this week, so it's now NMW 2, WWE 0. Saturday will be the regular monthly show back at USA Sports Center, and I just know that place will be packed, unlike Club 217. The lineup for that show will be:

"The Marvel" Shane Matthews VS. Mr. Elite
Red w/PM Sanders & Coop VS. Hardcore KC
"Tricky" Dick Moore VS. "The OverAchiever" Billy Morgan w/Kev G
"Mr. Hollywood" Stan Sallinger VS. "New World" Quinten Tyler
CENTRAL IL TITLE - Earl Grissom vs. ???
NMW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP - Tuff N' Stuff VS. Church of RON
NEW MIDWEST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP FATAL FOUR WAY ELIMINATION MATCH
Scotty Cash VS. Sage Ramsey VS. "Danger" Doug Fraze VS. "The Trendsetter" Tom Arson

Until next time, this is the Crimefighter saying bustin' ain't easy!