The Rap Sheet - by the Crimefighter
New Midwest Wrestling Revolution
7/13/2K2, Springfield IL

This month they managed to keep the building at a comfortable temperature. Attendance looked to be about 250 or so, they didn't set up as many chairs as they did last time around. The total show time was kept to just under 21/2 hours. The next show is scheduled for 8/24 and named Boiling Point. For tonight's action, they only announced five bouts for the evening and dedicated the show to the late Alexis Homeier, daughter of Hot Valet, niece of Rip Mystic. Note that "Mike the Ref" does the officiating the entire evening, while "RON" continues to post retarded messages and claim he was going to "take care of me." I don't take him seriously and wait to see if some idiot comes along to try, when it doesn't happen I slam "RON" for his repeated no-shows.

Stan Sallinger comes out to play the national anthem, but a few bars into it Bing Westlake cuts it off and comes to the ring. He starts blabbing but the mike is off to a big laugh. Westlake runs his mouth about how much he hates America and that we had no right to secede from England. I yell at him he's an outcast in his own country. Westlake continues to blab, then Sallinger tells him to shut up and chews him out for his shameful conduct. Westlake pulls out an insincere apology then calls for his national anthem. First we get "My country tis of thee" to a big laugh, then we get "God Save the Queen". Sallinger shouts for the music to be shut off, and yells at the soundman. Out comes the Caddy, Sallinger runs down there to make him leave, then orders a match between Westlake and Sage Ramsey right now.

Sage Ramsey (0-2) (Peoria IL, 270lbs, 6'4") vs. Bing Francis Alexia Westlake III (1-0) (London, England, 165lbs, 5'10")
Sage claims he didn't know he was gonna wrestle tonight, and was in the right place at the right time for the mystery sixth match. Ramsey dominates the golfer and repeatedly hurls him over the top rope. Westlake can't get much offense in until he gets a low blow for two. Sage hits a number of nasty moves on him but keeps pulling him up at two. Caddy soon runs out with a chair, sticks in the corner, then jumps up on the ring apron. Sage knocks him off, Westlake on the outside with the chair, Sage tries to bring him back in with the hair, Bing pops him in the head with the chair. Westlake back in, chair to the gut, then does a springboard legdrop from the top rope across the back of his head into the chair. Arrgh no...Sage kicks out, two count only! Sallinger comes out and runs the Caddy off, Sage grabs Westlake and gives him the Bonazi Drop for three. Sage gets his first win.

WINNER: Sage Ramsey pin -> (1-2) 11 mins. **½

"Iron Chef" Leo Lagossi (0-1) (Bracke, Sweden, 240lbs, 6'0") vs. Jason Wells (0-2) (Kansas City, MO, 230lbs, 6'0") w/ PHD
PHD talks about his new recruit Wells and how he's gonna do so great under his wing. I now know otherwise how well he actually did. Chef comes out and offers PHD cookies. Good back and forth action coming to the end where Wells gives the Chef the whiplash--fireman's carry into a fallaway slam for three.

WINNER: Jason Wells pin -> (1-2) 8 mins. **

Sallinger comes back out to interview Khoas Kidd. Kidd comes out looking like the Rock, "Just Bring It" t-shirt, painted Rock tatoos, and even the haircut. Sallinger congrats him on beating Westlake last month but tells him if he wants to continue on with the school he has to start paying the monthly dues of $50. Luscious P. Coltrane then comes out, head painted with the flag. Coltrane informs us he had been training hard to make his return to the ring, but had suffered a 2nd knee injury and may not ever wrestle again. But he wants to offer his managerial services to Khoas Kidd. Kidd accepts, Sallinger agrees to let him stick around.

Khoas Kidd (0-0) (Springfield, IL, 200lbs, 5'7") w/ LPC vs. "The Cruiserweight Redneck" Earl Grissom (0-2) (Rushville, IL, 170lbs, 5'10")
Kidd is debuting as a singles wrestler. Well, the "Rock" did the sharpshooter but Earl made the ropes, then he hits the Rock Bottom for two (no way!), then the People's Elbow only gets two, Kidd can't believe it and argues with the ref, Grissom knocks him silly, then climbs up to the top while Kidd is dazed and looking the wrong way, Grissom does the flying bulldog and gets the pin. Coltrane can't believe it.

WINNER: Earl Grissom pin -> (1-2) 5:30 mins. *½

Central IL Title
(c)Scotty Cash (2-0) (Parts Unknown, 170lbs, 5'9") vs. El Diablo Silverado (1-1) (Beardstown, IL, 173lbs, 5'8")
Cash comes out to Ricky Martin's Livin' La Viva Loca. Cash offers his hand then armdrags him over, Cash stalls, then offers his hand again, Silverado clotheslines him. What happens next is inexcusable. Cash stays outside the ring for five whole minutes and refuses to reenter the ring cause he says Silverado is "dirty". Ref tries to count him out but Silverado wants the title. Crowd and the ref get so fed up he threatens to strip him of the belt if he doesn't get in by the count of ten. He FINALLY gets in at nine, then Silverado slams his head in each of the corners repeatedly and lands a few moves before Cash goes out AGAIN. A ring attendant girl hands him a chain, Cash tries to hit him with it and misses, Silverado knocks him down but gets two, Cash gets the chain again and pops him in the head, then the gut and pins him. LAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEEEE.

WINNER and STILL champ: Scotty Cash pin -> (3-0) 11 mins. -***½

That's right, MINUS three and a half stars. This match was EVEN WORSE than Bradshaw & Trish vs. TE2 Jackie & Chris Harvard from RAW the previous Monday, due to the fact that it went three times as long and out of eleven minutes had only about two minutes of action in it. This is what you call an unannounced intermission. You won't see this one on any NMW compilation videos. Cash shows once again he has no business wearing that belt, and Sallinger should make him wrestle Earl Grissom next month since he has a problem wrestling "dirty" people. Note that TE2 Jackie was sent to the minors, and the match was nominated as one of the worse matches of the year. Cash actually sent me emails wondering why I bashed him so badly over this match. The girl turned out to be Misty Matthews, and I put two to two together during the next show as to what this person was trying to pull.

Michael Shard comes out with PHD and complains about not having the title shot tonight because he's the greatest professional wrestler ever to enter a ring. Gee, guess that explains why you are at 1-2 and didn't beat Real World Jeremy to get the #1 contenders match a month ago. This next match is the mystery seventh match.

Michael Shard w/ PHD (1-2) (Santa Monica, CA, 5'8", 170lbs.) vs. The Caddy Eric Logan w/ Bing Westlake (0-0) (Palm Springs, FL, 5'10", 173lbs)
This is the Caddy's singles debut. PHD has some sort of waiver for Bing Westlake to sign, where he takes no responsibility to the damage they do to the Caddy. Good back and forth action, but eventually Shard locks in the Great Muta's Sickle Hold, the Leg Lock with Bridging Chinlock or what he calls it the Cutting Edge for the submission. But wait! Shard is refusing to release the hold. Ref can't get him to let go, PHD just encourages him to keep it on. Stan Sallinger runs out and orders Shard to let go or he'll be suspended, and he's been DQ'ed for unsportsmanlike conduct. Shard lets go and argues with Sallinger. No title shot for you Mike, you just threw that match away and got your contender ranking lowered some more. Course now what he can't win he steals from someone else. Westlake runs out in a sneak attack and savagely beats Sallinger with a golf club. Westlake gets the mike and chews out Sallinger then beats him further with the club. Where was Sage? And for that matter, will Sallinger deport Westlake?

WINNER: The Caddy Eric Logan DQ -> (1-0) 13 mins. ***½

#1 Contenders Match NMW Title
Real World Jeremy (1-0-1) (Denver, CO, 6'2", 242lbs.) vs. Dredd Walker (1-0-1) (Purgatory, 5'11", 210lbs.)
Early going sees Jeremy get a nosebleed. Back and forth action, but midway thru Jeremy tries a suplex and strains his back. The match stops for a couple minutes while the ref can't get a trainer to come out to check him, and doesn't allow Walker to make a cover. Finally Walker starts kicking the back. Ugh. Ref is KO'ed after Jeremy dodges a spinning jump kick by Walker. Walker locks in the Texas Cloverleaf and gets a tap but there's no ref. Walker hits another big move, no ref. Ref finally recovers as Jeremy goes for the Pedigree and hits it for three. The two-minute pause hurt the match a bit, but make note, "Mike the Ref" admitted months later that he intentionally blocked Dredd from covering the man after throwing out his back. Ironically, Dredd ended up getting his title shot right after RWJ had his.

WINNER: Real World Jeremy pin -> (2-0-1) 18:30 mins. ***½

NMW Heavyweight Title
Rip Mystic (4-0) (Hannibal, MO, 5'8", 180lbs.) vs. "The Alpha Male" Guy Smith (2-1) (Rapid City, SD, 6'0", 255lbs)
Hot Valet didn't come with Smith to the ring, due to that horrible accident. Smith got a cheering section somehow despite all the people booing him. Match goes quite a while with Smith arguing with the ref a lot every time he got a two count. Rip hits his trademark spots and the handspring elbow...leading up to the impaler DDT and the 450 splash for the pin. Shard runs out and attacks Rip, Smith and Shard double team Rip until Real World Jeremy comes out to make the save but gets in trouble quick. Shard and Smith beat him with chairs then inserts the leg in the chair and stomps on it from the second rope. Tom Arson runs out and beats the crap out of both Shard and Smith. Smith was carried out by a security guy. Shard just stumbles to the back. Jeremy had to be helped out with his wrecked knee.

WINNER and STILL champ: Rip Mystic pin -> (5-0) 11 mins. ***½

That's it. It is scheduled to be Rip Mystic vs. RWJ for the title next month, but RWJ's knee is wrecked and is questionable to compete in five weeks.